Don’t spread the bullshit

Since the pandemic started I have seen family members and friends on and off social media latching onto conspiracy theories in a never-ending cycle. What I found funny at first, like believing there is a magnetic chip in the anti-covid vaccine because your government is trying to control you or that this whole thing is a plot from Bill Gates, is no longer laughable.

Conspiracies and fake news. Even in war. Because there are two sides to the story: a Russian one and a Ukrainian one. Russia is clearly saving Ukraine from nazis and Ukraine is attacking and killing Russian ethnic groups – which means that this invasion is not an invasion but a heroic attempt from Russia to save its neighbour. Yeah right.

When did facts no longer matter? Did Russia invade Ukraine? Yes. Was this legitimate? No. Are there nazis in Ukraine? I’m sure there are nazi sympathisers everywhere including in Ukraine. Does this make them all nazis? No. But what about the US, they say, they’re not any better. Please spare me the “whataboutism”. Because if we go down that road, it’s pointless to even have a discussion. The USA f****d up in Iraq, in Afghanistan, in Vietnam, in Libya. Basically in every country they interfered. Was the US right to support dictatorships in Iran and Latin America? Hell no. If I condemn Russia for invading Ukraine, am I siding with the American foreign policy? Hell no. Are most Russian media spreading the regime’s propaganda and misinforming the local population? Yes they are. So you’re saying that the western media has always been non-biased? No, not at all. I never said that. Does the West have more independent media that will go at length to share facts with their readers & viewers? Yes. I come from the least democratic region in the world, where media is politicised, not reliable and totally controlled. Those few journalists who try to write it as it is end up dead or fired or just leave the country. So you can understand why I appreciate reliable media.

But (there’s always another but) look at how Europe is embracing Ukrainians fleeing their country. Why were Syrians, Africans, Afghans and other non-white refugees treated differently? I am not a policymaker so I will not answer this question but I surely don’t like Europe’s double standards. I find it sad and disgusting. So the west is not perfect, I told you. No it’s far from perfect. But there’s a reason you came here because this is where you can have a better life, or was it maybe that you didn’t have a choice?! You’re at least in a part of the world where you won’t be sent to jail for 15 years for saying I don’t like my president. Or I’m gay. Democracy is real. It is not perfect, but it is the best system we’ve had so far. It is where you get to choose which newspaper to read, which TV to watch and you make your own conclusions. Journalists are not meant to tell you what to think. They don’t make policies. You do, when you choose who to vote for. Journalists are messengers who go to Ukraine and Russia and other countries to see what is happening up close. As a friend (hi Roel!) puts it nicely: if you don’t like the way they report on Ukraine, why don’t you move your ass and go there to check for yourself with your big mouth?

For those of us lucky to be living in a civilised country, who come from countries where human life has no value, we should not forget why we left. Don’t resent the country you’re living in but the country you came from. It basically kicked you out. You were never welcome there.

For those of us living in Europe, yes, Europe is not perfect. There is racism, fascism, discrimination, inequality, poverty. But take a moment and look where Europe came from. A couple of generations ago, France and Germany were at war. Look at the rest of the world, the Middle East, Africa, Asia, Latin America. Autocrats, militias, corruption (lots of it), dysfunctional societies, oppression, women’s rights? Non existent. You might say colonialism contributed to that. You might say the west is purposefully keeping the rest of the world on its knees. You might say the west has lost its moral compass and values. We at least have family values (which is bullshit by the way). I won’t keep going because there is no point. I do agree we have to understand the past to build the present and the future.

Seeing these posts on Twitter and Facebook trying to analyse how we got to the war in Ukraine will not help solve the current situation. This is, as we say in NGO jargon, a lesson learned. And for those who do have access to decent media because they live in free countries, what’s your excuse not to read The New York Times, Le Monde, La Libération, De Volkskrant, Der Spiegel and others? Because you have a responsibility to stick to facts. You are more to be blamed for spreading misinformation. You have the opportunity, the means and the access to the truth and yet you make a conscious decision to promote conspiracies. That’s either stupid, sick or both. In all cases, there’s something wrong with you. And please don’t start arguing why you are not vaccinated. Oh wait, this is probably a different group. Oh man, the end must be near.

The day I met Turki

In 2013, I worked for Save the Children Lebanon as a communications and media coordinator. That’s when I met Turki, who was a child at the time, with a heavy burden that no child should carry.

I met him in a tented settlement in the Bekaa Valley on a rainy April day, exceptionally cold and windy for Lebanon. I was accompanying a media crew from ABC Australia to meet new arrivals from Idlib and Aleppo in Syria – refugees who were living in tough conditions with irregular access to water, electricity and food.

On our way back, I noticed that more land on both sides of the road was busy with refugee tents and children running around.

Turki and his family were living there. They arrived from Syria two months ago, after Turki’s father had an accident, falling off the roof where he would sit watching the shelling and explosions. He was still depressed. Turki was in fact the breadwinner for the whole family: five younger brothers and sisters and his mother and father. He was 10 years old.

When I spoke to him, Turki was standing next to an old carriage piled with scrap metal he had been gathering from nearby streets. He was sorting out which pieces he could sell.

“I work every day from 7am until 1pm, gathering scrap metal here and there,” Turki told me. “Then I try to sell the pieces to adults, who scare me sometimes because they beat me”. He made around 15,000 Lebanese Pounds (approx 10 EUR) a day. “Life is not nice here,” he said. “I am sad because my father cannot work, but we need money and I have to bring food for my family.”

Huge responsibilities

A small boy, Turki had responsibilities that would daunt a grown man. His worried look was that of an adult, not a child. After his working day, he finally got to go home to his tent and played marbles with his friends and cousins. This was the only time I saw him smile.

His sisters and brothers were very shy and clung to their mother as if they were scared to leave her. None of them had been to school for the past two years.

Most Syrian children I met were excited to go back to school, make new friends and study for a better future, but not Turki. “I don’t like to go to school,” he told me. “Schools were shelled in Syria. They weren’t safe for us.” If the school were safe, though, he would be prepared to return – except that he had to work. “I don’t want to go back to school,” he said, “but I do hope we can return to Syria, to our home.”

In the meantime, Save the Children was providing help with shelter, education and child protection – necessities then and for the foreseeable future because as Turki said, with the wisdom of the maturity that was being forced on him too soon: “From what I see, it will be a long time before that can happen.”

Today on World Refugee Day, I can’t help but think that Turki is now 15, and still waiting for the deadly conflict to end in his country so he could go back.

Taters* and Sausages

There is a reason why Van Gogh named one of his most famous paintings ‘The Potato Eaters’ – other than to illustrate the poverty of Dutch villagers back then and his love and appreciation for rural Holland. It is the same reason it took me a while to figure out what “Dutch cuisine” is all about; mostly potatoes. I’m only joking. A little. To be fair, it also includes some sausages and other meats, herring (a type of fish eaten raw with onions and pickles – a more daring version of sashimi), a limited number of mashable vegetables, ham and cheese (never without a slice of bread) and a wide range of beers.

A few months after I settled in Amsterdam, a friend of mine visiting me from France asked me if she could bring me some French cheese. “You need some proper food,” she said. “I know the food is not that great in Holland.” (Incidentally, hereby confirming all the angry stereotypes the Dutch hold about the French). I felt she was worried about me until I explained to her that I could get anything here; it’s still the EU, markets are open and trade is flowing, etc… Besides, I loved the one hundred something types of yellow cheeses I could find in almost every shop. She brought French cheese anyway.

The city offers an amazing range of cuisine, from Asian to African to Mediterranean to American, but very few restaurants serve any authentic Dutch dishes. The first ones I’ve tried were homemade. If I had to rank them in order of preference, it would be like this:

Hachee: a traditional beef and onion stew that requires long and slow cooking (thanks brother-in-law Bart!). The super tender meat and rich sauce have wonderful depth of flavor. It is served aside with some cooked beetroot and mashed potatoes. Perfect for cold winter months.

Erwtensoep: this soup is not a starter but a substantial meal. It can be so thick that you can stand a spoon upright in it. Made of split peas and plenty of vegetables with pork sausage – ideally rookworst (very fatty and delicious) on the side. I love it!

Hutspot: a mixture of carrots, onions, parsnips, all mashed, again with rookworst (still fatty and delicious! – but you see the lack of variation) which when served with the gravy, looks like a colorful mashed potato dish. The sugars in the carrot add a hint of sweetness that makes it so yummy.  I tried hutspot for the first time on Sinterklaas.

Among Dutch favorites are also Indonesian and Surinamese food – their presence here being holdovers from the Dutch colonial past, into which I will bravely not venture in my culinary post. I tried the Indonesian rice table for the first time in a restaurant in town. An elaborate meal consisting of many – up to several dozen – small dishes. Kinda like the Lebanese mezze: filling an entire table. It is a melange of sweet, spicy and savory flavors that I find pretty heavy compared to the mediterranean diet. Surinamese roti is just as delicious: ideally in a thick hot bread roll filled with chicken or beef and vegetables or both, a tasty thick dressing and a boiled egg. Just what you need to cure a hangover or a rumbling stomach.

With all this food, in addition to fries with peanut sauce and mayonnaise (called Friet Oorlog), Bitterballen and Frikandel (all deep fried), and the so many kebab, shoarma and falafel snack bars on virtually any street corner, it didn’t take me too long to realize that I needed to watch out for what I was eating here.

It’s not the late 18th century anymore, when potatoes, meat and bread were essential sources of carbohydrates and protein for laborers and farmers. Nowadays, as most of us have sedentary jobs, it is quite a challenge to get rid of all these calories. Avoiding an additional layer of belly fat or wider hips will require a few laps around De Vondelpark. Cycling is not enough, especially for those like me, who, unlike most Dutch people, are not that tall.

So in no time at all, I went back to my hummus, salads and home cooked meals with olive oil instead of butter. And my own potato eater likes it too.

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYiCPmwOV4A

…and the Dutch created The Netherlands

The Delta Works on a rainy day (most days are rainy)

You may have heard the saying “God created the earth, but the Dutch created The Netherlands”.  That seemed a teeny weeny little bit arrogant to me at first. The same as saying ‘Lebanon is the Paris (or Switzerland) of the Middle East’. But sure enough, I’m starting to understand the reason behind it.

On one of my trips last year, I visited Friesland, in the North of the country. I’ll never forget standing on a dike, and looking north to the sea, then south – and down! – to the towns built on the other side. All with their chimneys at sea level, separated by a piece of earth with a road on top. It felt as if my eyes were tricking me. I remember telling my husband: ‘I can never live here’. But many Dutch below are happy to, safe and dry. And apparently confident that their government can be trusted to regularly maintain the dams and dikes – not pocket tax money intended to do so – and ensure these folks stay dry while happily riding their silly bicycles a few metres away from the sea lurking above their heads. A Dutch friend once told me that she would never object to paying water tax. She knows that the Ministry of Infrastructure and the Environment uses her money to manage water levels and protect the country and its citizens.

Look carefully at the water levels on both sides of the road.

Yep, it’s scary.
Cycling like there’s not a care in the world

Water is everywhere. Even more impressive than the dikes in Friesland are the man-made water works in Zeeland in the South. It was this part of The Netherlands that suffered the ultimate nightmare of the Dutch, the 1953 disaster that made the country confront the sea head on. On 31 January of that year, heavy storms, strong winds and very high tides made the sea rush over and through the old dikes protecting cities and towns in the South-West of the country. The North Sea water stormed in and wiped out houses, farms and streets. Almost two thousand people died, a hundred thousand were evacuated. The enormous destruction and death made the Dutch decide to put everything they had into preventing such a tragedy from ever happening again, to work together to keep the sea out for good.

It was a rainy day (like almost every other day in this miserable excuse for a summer) when we bent our upper bodies forward and braved the strong head winds on our way to the Oosterscheldekering, one of the largest dam-like inventions in the country. From a distance, all I could see was an endless bridge. When I climbed the stairs and was standing on it, in the middle of a sea arm, I thought: I’ve never been surrounded by so much water. With a simple push-button, barriers can be dropped to the bottom of the sea when it rises dangerously high. Hundreds of thousands of people’s lives depend on this thing keeping out the North Sea when it’s told to do so. It was absolutely frightening, and so impressive. How the hell did the Dutch build this?

It took nearly fifty years and almost ten billion guilders (equivalent to five billion euros back then). The result is the Delta Works. If you look at the pictures linked to this post, you’ll see what I mean. This huge project consists of over 10,000 miles of dikes and a total of 13 dams and barriers, their sole role being to protect people and their lands. It is at the same time environmentally friendly, allowing fresh and salt water to mix and fish to migrate, with several movable barriers that close off the sea during extreme storms. The Dutch now control the sea, not the other way around.

More land is reclaimed all the time, and entire towns are still built on what used to be water. With The Netherlands being one of the most densely populated countries in the world, the Dutch solution to creating more space is to steal more land from the sea. Every now and then they concede a bit of land to water, if they must (like in the Room for the River project). The Dutch have also figured out how to build a functioning transportation network on, around, over, under and through water, with amazing bridges and endless tunnels. They have transformed their threatening surroundings into beautiful canals, lakes, rivers and windmills. Constant anticipation and flood control by water engineering experts continue to be a priority as sea level rises and fifty-five per cent of the country remains either below sea level or heavily flood-prone. The Dutch water management system works perfectly.

Contrary to many people who feel zen when near the sea, I wanted to move back onto actual solid land very quickly. That’s when we went back to our hotel for a break in the charming medieval town of Middelburg, the capital of Zeeland. We chose to stay at one of the oldest hotels there, and were upgraded to a Baroque suite at Aan de Dam hotel (thanks guys!). It has an antique ambience, with classic furniture and hundreds of LP records of Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan, Nina Simone and Jimi Hendrix among others. This was enough to put us back on track for a romantic night.

Middelburg
Mysterious girl in the Baroque Suite

Petiscos and Ginja*

Good wine, good food and good company are some of life’s most civilised pleasures, someone said. Add to that warm weather and Fado music and you’ll find yourself in Lisbon, one of the most underrated cities in Europe. If you appreciate the simple joie de vivre like me, you must visit this beautiful Portuguese city.

Time moves slowly and days feel longer, in a good way. People enjoy the warm, crisp evenings until well into the night, at least they did during my September visit, but still manage to go to work in the morning. During my short holiday, I made sure not to get up so early. My day started around ten with a short hop to the nearby bakery for coffee and delicious pastries, particularly pastéis de nata, my favourite. Then I was back to my small cozy apartment on the foot of one of Lisbon’s many hills to enjoy my sweet breakfast. Using Airbnb allowed me a glimpse of how locals live. After spending a week, people in my street started greeting me as if I’d  always been living in the neighbourhood.

Around noon, it is time to go out. Take one of the small and colourful trams that regularly go up and down the hills overlooking the water. Head to a viewpoint, or a miradouro, as the Portuguese call it. Each offers wonderful views: monumental architecture and buildings often decorated with blue, white or green ceramic tiles brought by the Moors in the Middle Ages; panoramic scenery; the city’s port; and the 25 de Abril Bridge, a smaller version of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Fransisco. Grab a drink and have a long break.

Getting hungry yet? I am. Alfama, the oldest district of Lisbon, has many places that serve traditional Portuguese gastronomy as well as international cuisine. I felt right at home, with the Portuguese custom of eating various small plates of food. Petiscos, similar to the Spanish Tapas and my own beloved Lebanese Mezze. And of course: Vinho Verde, the unique made-in-Portugal-only green wine; young, cool, summery, light and low in alcohol.

While walking around the streets of cobblestone in Lisbon, I made regular stops on the long stairs to look at the buildings. In some areas the difference between various constructions was staggering; completely renovated apartments with shiny ceramic tiles on their facades, standing next to almost crumbling houses with broken shutters and no windows. When I asked for the reason, I was told that many often elderly tenants pay extremely low rents, frozen by an old law decades ago. So the owners can’t afford upkeep, buildings are in shambles. It reminded me of Beirut: some policy set in motion at some point because it served some populist politician, or even seemed wise at the time, but nobody bothered to look at the long-term consequences.

The last economic crisis hit the country hard. Although it is recovering very slowly, many elderly have to live off pensions 250 or 300 euros a month, which allows for very little. Youth unemployment remains high, many people beg on the streets, people complain about corruption in various official departments. That’s how locals explained their current situation, a big contrast with the more prosperous Northern Europe. But I am no expert on Portugal, merely an observer and obviously a curious listener to whatever the locals have to tell about their country.

I still loved the vibe in Lisbon. It feels way more leftist and hippie than in Amsterdam: more graffiti, young people never seem to be in a rush, the streets are full with endless kiosks, small casual restaurants and bars – rather than luxurious or sophisticated diners –  prices are affordable. The coast is lined with a sandy beach, the water looks super clean. It is the perfect location to watch the sunset. Grab a glass of cold Sangria and sit on a bench to enjoy the amazing tones of orange, pink and yellow.

All in all, an ideal destination for a long and relaxing stay.

*Ginja is a sweet cherry liqueur that originated in Lisbon. You can drink it in a small chocolate shot and the trick is not to eat the shot in order to have a refill. It’s terribly good.

If I could vote in The Netherlands

I have never voted. I’m not proud of it, but in my country elections’ results are usually known way in advance. Besides, you can only vote for candidates in the village where your father comes from (or your husband, after you marry) – don’t get me started on women’s rights – even if you have never lived there. Or if it’s on the other side of the country. So your choices are quite limited. And pointless. Lebanese politicians also often manage to pass on their position to their sons, sons in law or cousins (by mobilising or intimidating enough people to vote for them).

Some of them don’t age or die. I remember that when I was a kid, I thought our speaker of parliament was a vampire. He has been holding his position for over 25 years and he looks exactly the same as when I was a kid. And acts the same. He just is. No matter how many elections pass by.

Now that I am in the Netherlands, and although I cannot vote (not yet at least), I am following the parliamentary elections closely. Like many Dutch, I turned to an online guide to know where I stand – obviously out of curiosity – in today’s elections. What you go through in this quiz, is a series of propositions that have been debate topics or were brought up by the various parties. They focus on immigrants and refugees, culture and art, infrastructure, health care, euthanasia for the elderly, discrimination in recruitment, permanent and flex contracts, obligatory unpaid work for youth (only baby boomers come up with that), etc. You answer ‘agree’, ‘disagree’, ‘neither,’ or skip the question. And voilà, you get your parties ranked by percentage of agreement with your answers.

Being an immigrant amidst the rise of far-right politicians and populism in Europe made me want to understand as much as possible the changes that are happening to the Dutch political scene as they will affect my life in the next four years. I answered all 30 questions in the quiz, with my husband explaining from time to time some Dutch words I did not understand and of course trying to influence my answers. It did not work though, I was pretty firm with him.

At the Top 1 and 2 were Denk and Artikel 1 at 66%, with ChristenUnie at 62% and D66 at 59%. I didn’t expect these results, especially that I never heard of Denk or Artikel 1 before. My first choice was actually D66 followed by GroenLinks. The bottom line is that you need to have a thorough look at the history and future plan of every party before you vote. As I heard, some parties – like the PvdA (labor party) – have made many promises in the past that did not lead to positive results in practice.

Polls close at nine in the evening and preliminary results are expected around midnight. Here’s to hoping.

A quirky language called Dutch

Why on earth would somebody spend countless hours on a language hardly anybody speaks outside this small country – except in other small countries as well? On my way to De Vrije Universiteit where I started following Dutch classes, I repeat phrases and – frankly – sometimes ridiculous words on my bicycle trying not to get hit after a long workday.

In between moving and settling in The Netherlands, I stopped taking lessons but I tried to keep up by going to meet-ups with expats to practice some Dutch together, read magazines, follow the news, listen to the radio and to popular Dutch songs, and watch TV – mostly “De Wereld Draait Door”, a play on words meaning both ‘the world keeps on turning’ and ‘the world is spinning out of control’. My Dutch has improved to the extent that I now confuse it with Spanish, which I learned in my early twenties at university.

Although most people speak English here, and you can certainly spend your entire life not learning the local language, I figured that if I don’t, I will never really get to know the country or feel at home. So I embarked on a long discovery of one of the quirkiest languages I’ve ever studied (I speak three fluently and have taken classes in several others, like German, Spanish and Japanese). Being a linguist and a translator, I couldn’t help but try to find similarities and differences between Dutch and Arabic, my mother tongue. One of the very few things the two languages have in common is: the letter “kh” or “خ” (the hard, guttural ‘g’, as written in Dutch). That’s just about where the resemblance stops. Arabic is more sophisticated, way less direct, very poetic and musical – although this may seem hard to believe when most Arab men and women you see in Homeland are angrily shouting all the time. But really, we can sing too.

If I compare Dutch to French or Spanish, “beautiful” is perhaps not the first (or second) adjective I would use to describe it. With time though, I actually got to love the language, including the sound of it. To my advantage, the Dutch have borrowed many French words as they were once occupied by France – a historical fact that no one likes to talk about. Words like: abonnement, argumenteren, bizar, champignon, formulier, hypotheek, illegaal, paraplu, pauze, plafond, situatie, among others come from French. This is great news for me as it expands my Dutch vocabulary with little to no effort.

Sadly, learning this new language is not just for fun. Since I arrived to The Netherlands a year ago, I have been receiving a letter every couple of months urging me to learn more Dutch by mid 2019 (Three letters so far!). No directions as to where to do it, really, just a letter in Dutch saying I have to learn the language and threatening consequences if I don’t. More on that in another blog post.

When I was little, my father used to tell me that learning multiple languages is like having several personalities. It opens up your horizons and allows you to learn about different cultures. As a Lebanese, I grew up speaking two languages, Arabic and French and was taught English at a later stage in school. Speaking several languages was a natural thing for me (and many other Lebanese) to do.

I find the Dutch language fascinating because it tells you so much about the people. It is so clear, logical and direct, which makes it totally different from Arabic, where words rarely carry a simple straightforward meaning. There are wonderful, tell-it-like-it-is words the Dutch have invented for various touchy subjects that reflect the character of this country most. For example:

– “Coffin” means “Tabout” or “تابوت” in Arabic which comes from the verb “Tab” or “تاب” meaning “to repent”. Quite a deep religious connotation right? In Dutch, “coffin” becomes simply “doodskist” which translates into “death-chest”. You see what I mean;

– “Dakloos” means literally “without a roof” or roofless and has the Arabic equivalent of “Mousharrad” “مشرّد”. The latter carries a deeper meaning which reflects the image of someone who lost his home or his land;

– Ambulance becomes “ziekenauto” or “a car for the sick” in Dutch. While in Arabic it turns into “sayyarat es’aaf” or “سيارة إسعاف” which means literally “a car for relief”;

– Earrings mean “oorbellen” in Dutch which translates into “ear bells” (for humans, not cows);

– Gloves become “handschoenen” or “hand shoes”;

– Pedestrian crossing means “zebrapad” or “zebra path”;

– Toilet seat means “WC bril” in Dutch which implies that the seat looks like one side of a pair of glasses;

– Dictionary is “woordenboek” or “book of words”. In Arabic, the word is “qamous” which refers to a great sea (of words, in this case).

I can go on. And just when I thought I found an equivalent in Lebanese Arabic to “gezellig” – the Dutch elaborate description of coziness, warmth and friends in one word – it turned out the word I found did not capture the entire meaning. I thought of “Moukankan” or “مكنكن” which is a very cute word implying feeling warm and comfortable in a small place, always with a bottle of red wine. Just joking on that last part. In fact, the word gezellig reminds me of “Toqborneh” or “تقبرني” which, in the same way, has no real equivalent in any language other than Arabic. It is said to a loved one and it means you wish to die before them, thus them burying you so you never have to live a day without them. Gezellig hè? I don’t think any word in any other language can beat that.

So there you have it, a language mixing various influences and cutting out any overly tedious attempts at softening or dressing up the meaning of things. Kind of like the Dutch. It can be a breath of fresh air, this bluntness. But sometimes, I long for the promise of something mundane carrying the potential meaning of vast and dreamy; a great sea yet to be discovered. Even if it’s only a book of words.

Autumn in Amsterdam

Summer drew its final breath in the Dutch capital. The sun sets earlier now, around 5:00 in the afternoon, and does not rise before 7:30 in the morning. Temperatures have dropped from above 20 degrees Celsius to below 10. There hasn’t been any sort of “smooth” transition between summer and autumn – which looks more like winter to me. Except that we were lucky for the last few days. This kept me wary about the coming months of January and February, when winter actually sets in with a vengeance from what I hear. Brrrrr! It’s going to be cold. You’ve got to understand that for a Mediterranean sun-worshipper like me, this is cause for considerable concern. I mean, people in my country are still hitting the beach in October. Rain doesn’t start falling before December.

However, now that I’m in Amsterdam, I have decided to embrace the weather. Testament to my vast amounts of courage is my solid decision to go out no matter what. But we will see how I feel when it drops below zero. The chilly, windy and wet autumn season reminded me of a Lebanese friend who stayed for a few years in The Netherlands. He had a tendency to spend his time indoors, probably huddled in blankets sneezing his way through the afternoon, whenever the weather was cold, dark and gloomy. So you know. A lot. 

Obviously this isn’t the case for the Dutchies; nothing can stop them from going out and riding their bicycles whether rain or wind or ice. So I did what everyone else does, “occasionally” took my bicycle instead of the tram, but without managing to hold an umbrella at the same time. I haven’t mastered that yet. Maybe global warming will turn Holland into a sun-lover’s paradise before I do that trick. Until then, I am enjoying the most beautiful of seasons.

**Autumn in Amsterdam is marked by golden colours, cosiness, good food and culture (i.e: Museum night).

Born to Leave

Amsterdam on a (mildly) warm day

I was doing well back home in Beirut. I had what I thought was all I needed: a loving family, wonderful friends, a great job. Everything seemed perfect in my own little circle. But it was a circle that I had created, like many other Lebanese, to shield myself from the dysfunctional mess around me. Finally, I couldn’t keep the outside out anymore. So I tried my luck here in Amsterdam. And what a change it’s been. 

Beirut was my city. It’s chaotic, and full of character. It blends the old with the new, the rich with the poor, the Arab world with the West. Its streets and suburbs are a colourful mess: shiny new sky scrapers mix with traditional two-story houses and pitiful shacks. It is on the Mediterranean, so with the smell of salt a feeling of freedom continually washes over the city. And it’s true: Beirut is open, tolerant, even liberal compared to the rest of the Arab world. At least, in my circle it is. Its character is fuelled by its people, talented, creative, smart, hip, but also deeply disturbed, to be honest.  

I love Beirut like you love a destructive lover, who keeps you hanging on with hints of how it could be, how it should be. Until the moment you realise you have to leave, if only to maintain your health and sanity.  

So here I am, taking a walk on a sunny Amsterdam day along the dozens of waterways and canals, heading toward Oost. I sit on a bench for a long time listening to the sound of the light breeze through the long trees, watching a couple of ducks float on the water, enjoying the summer sun as the tram bells echo in the background. Everything is so peaceful, so clean. I think of when I started learning Dutch in Lebanon and how surprisingly fun the classes were. Then I remember the day I learned my residency was in order, and how ready I felt to go.  

Beirut does not have an easy past. After a 15-year long civil war which left so much destruction on its buildings and in the hearts of its population, its problems now are more mundane: lack of water, power cuts, pot-holed roads, suffocating traffic, and not a single publicly accessible park worth the name. An ongoing trash crisis – the result of incapable, corrupt, money-hungry politicians – has made the streets of Beirut smell like a garbage dump for the past year, with no solution in sight (despite creative and angry protests). And then there are the more than 1.5 million Syrian refugees (on a Lebanese population of 4 million), which is putting extreme pressure on the already weak local infrastructure and public services. Religious and political tensions, staggering economic and social inequality – it’s all widening the gap between the rich and poor.  

It all seems so far away here, as if I’ve driven into a morning fog on a dark forest road and came out on the other side in daylight. Amsterdam feels magical, like a dream, with its incredibly beautiful architecture and lit canals. And the green; I can’t emphasise enough how great it is to be able to access parks for free, just sit there, read, spend time with friends or exercise in the morning in the fresh air. Nothing can beat a bicycle ride – no matter how challenging it may look with all the confused tourists around – through the endless small streets feeling the wind on your face. It’s ultimate freedom.  Everything works. While this may seem like a fact-of-life for those living in a developed country, it makes me realise the collective commitment and effort that have been put into it, to have a well-functioning society. Every detail has been thought of: the alignment of trees on the sides of the roads, bike lanes, parking spots, parks, where to stick posters (RIP, Johan Cruyff) and ads, where to post your mail, how to sort the trash, where people with disabilities can go, children, bus stops and the list goes on and on. I was even able to become a fiscally legal ZZP’er (self-employed person with no personnel) in less than a month. This is a miracle!  

I love Beirut’s generosity, its hospitality, how it embraces you and makes you feel home, welcome. But after years of disappointment, I had to leave; because I want to build a stable life and make a new place home. So here’s my first post on the struggle to achieve that in Amsterdam. There are problems too – the hardness of society here is one. But more on that later. I’ll keep you posted, those of you going through the same process, or Dutch people interested in what it’s like to arrive here, while I wonder about my new life, in this new city. Hopefully, this one will make a better lover.